If Jessie succeeds in her plan to mess Gerald up, you're gonna have a bad time.
Gerald: Don't worry! I have medical training!
Jesse: You do?
Jesse: I have a bad feeling about this.
(Gerald does CPR on her)
Jessie: I dwon't fweel so gwood!
Gerald: How do you feel?
Jessie: My twest hwurts.
Gerald: Yeah, that sounds like a heart attack.
Jesse: She's two and had a heart attack!
Gerald: Yeah. I'm gonna need to do a blood test.
Jessie: Nwo! Needle pwick me! Hwurt!
Gerald: THIS IS YOUR HEALTH! DO YOU WANNA DIE?
(Gerald takes blood sample as she screams in pain)
Gerald: Uhh... Is this blood? (Syringe is filled with a white substance)
Jesse: What is that?
(Gerald smells it)
Gerald: This is starch!
Gerald: Her veins are literally filled with starch!
Gerald: How are you alive? I... I've never seen this, just smell this!
(Jesse smells it)
Jesse: That's potato starch! Wait, that came out of her veins?
Gerald: Apparently! I don't think... How are you alive if your veins are filled with starch?
Jesse: She doesn't have blood?
Gerald: Her blood is starch!
Gerald: What do you eat? This is important.
Jessie: Fwies, mwash, bwoil pwotwatwo, woast pwotwatwo.
Gerald: Okay, that's not normal. Those kinds of potatoes have no nutritional value at all. I have no idea how you made it to two years old just eating processed potatoes.
Jesse: I've told her to cut it out.
Gerald: Well, frankly I'm amazed that she's alive. I'd give her a week to live, but she should've had a week to live like 18 months ago. She should be dead. She should be LONG dead.
Jesse: Can you do some blood tests then?
Gerald: I'll try.
(30 minutes later)
Gerald: Your blood tests are terrible. You have diabetes. You have SO much diabetes. You are filled to the BRIM with diabetes. You have so much diabetes that your body has somehow built up an immunity to diabetes for all the diabetes you have.
Jesse: What do we do?
Gerald: I don't know. This is pure potato starch coarsing through her veins. She could be dead at any moment.
Jesse: So what can we do to make her not die?
Gerald: I don't know, maybe STOP EATING ALL THE POTATOES?
Jessie: NWO! (Gets electrocuted)
(A day later)
Gerald: Okay, family. You wanna know why I called you in here?
Gerald: You kids have been so good. I'm taking the entire family out. Not to mention you kids passed your exam!
Butters: Can we take a friend too?
Gerald: Did they pass?
Butters: Um... A few.
Gerald: (pauses) Sure, why not?
Butters: YEAH! (Leaving the house) CLYDE! WE'RE GOING OUT! MY DAD SAID YOU COULD COME!
Gerald: Who are you taking?
Bebe: Clyde's cool.
(In the car)
Gerald: Thank you Lord. A break from that bratty girl and her family.
Sharon: A dream come true.
(Gerald sees Jessie and Jesse playing baseball and Jessie throws the ball into Jesse' private parts)
Gerald: Not even gonna bother. Hey kids, we're going to a fast food restaurant.
Gerald: A kosher one in the Kosher Part of Town.
Butters: OH BOY!
(At the restaurant)
Gerald: What would you kids like? You can have anything you want.
Clyde: If my parents took me out for passing my exam I would be soooooooo happy.
(Everyone orders but Gerald sees Jesse, Jessie, EJ and Magnugaard come in)
Gerald: Let's sit outside!
(They sit outside)
(After the restaurant)
Gerald: You wanna go to... (puts bag full of swim shorts on the table) a water park?
Butters: A WATER PARK? OH BOY!!!
(They start to pack up but Jessie throws a baseball into Gerald's private parts)
Gerald: ARGH! UGH! (Throws up)
Gerald: It's fine. (Splutter) I think I broke my left testicle...
Jessie: I'm sowwy mister! Pwease take this dwink!
(Gerald drinks it)
Gerald: Yeah. Great drink. (There's a pause) Oh, my stomach! (Rushes into the toilets and has diarrhoea)
(At the waterpark)
Butters: Come down the slide with me!
(Gerald goes down the slide with him)
Butters: See? Isn't that fun?
Gerald: Oh, my nose! I think I broke my nose!
Butters: Go to a bathroom!
Gerald: I'm not gonna make it! (Throws up in a trashcan) Oh my stomach! (Has diarrhoea in the trashcan) Oh my nose! (Has a nosebleed in the trashcan) Gross! (Throws up in the trashcan again; this repeats)
Jessie: Gewald swick! (Laughs)
(Gerald chokes her)
Gerald: Too bad. (Gives her a health potion) I just poisoned you. The only way to cure yourself is to eat my vomit, diarrhoea and blood.
Gerald: You have to or you'll die!
(Jessie eats it slowly and throws up continuously)
Gerald: Eat your throwup!
(An hour later; Jessie has finally managed to eat it)
Jessie: I dwon't fweel so gwood!
Gerald: Well, I didn't really poison you.
Jessie: WAT! (Screams)
(The next day)
(Jesse wakes up and sees Jessie is no longer in her crib; there is a note with horrible handwriting and every word is misspelled)
I em gowinj tu jet refenj om jeralf beecos hee men tu mi
lov dorter jessie
(Jesse goes to Gerald's house and shows him the letter)
Gerald: Um... Duh Daddy... I am... um... going with Relf and a giraffe into a beehive and watch Broncos because the men are cool?
(Jessie shows up and punches Gerald in the testicles)
Gerald: Oh God! Not again!
(Pukes, has diarrhoea and a nosebleed)
(Jessie laughs but Gerald has diarrhoea on her; she starts to cry)
(Gerald washes her with the garden hose)
Gerald: Now, I am going to give you a thorough punishment)
(Locks her in a basement and doesn't feed her; makes temperatures unbearabely hot)
(Gerald continuously shoots her and revives her using electric shockers)
Jessie: Pwease stwop!
Gerald: How about no? (Sends her to the desert and continues to nuke her while reviving her)
Jessie: Stwop! I wearnt my wesson!
Gerald: You what?
Jessie: I wearnt my wesson!
Gerald: You haven't learnt your lesson? Okay then.
(Continuously has diarrhoea on her, pukes on her and has a nosebleed on her)
(Gerald gives her chocolate cake that he put laxatives in and she poops in her overalls)
Gerald: (tapes her and it becomes viral)
(Gerald returns Jessie and Jesse and she kidnap Butters)
Butters: Where am I? WHERE AM I?
Jesse: Our house.
Butters: Why did you bring me here?
Jesse: My daughter loves you.
(Jessie nods her head)
Jesse: She thinks you're handsome.
Butters: She does?
Jesse: Yeah. She has several of your pictures on her wall.
(Jesse shows him Jessie's wall with 3 pictures of Butters on it)
Jesse: In her bedroom.
(Shows him another wall with two more pictures of Butters on it)
Jesse: Every night she falls asleep looking at the ceiling.
(Shows him a giant picture of Butters on Jessie's ceiling)
Jesse: She really likes the one in the bathroom.
(Shows him another picture of Butters in the bathroom)